I have been in Kosovo for about one and a half month now. During this time i have experienced, learned and gained new memories and there is more to come. I have to admit that it has been a bit hard with all the new “happenings”, or not really hard but since it is new it becomes something that is unknown for me. The first three weeks I had kind of a vaccation. My Mom was in Kosovo aswell so I did spend alot of time in Prizren with mom and relatives. We also had a wedding in the family (my cousin got married) and the wedding was interesting since it was considerd to be a muslim wedding. All i can say is that there is alot of hypocrisy among some people. Still…it was an experiences to be a participant among the hypocrits. And what i love the most to do is analyze and try to figure out people. I suppose that in the end I dont want to work with people, just make theories about them 🙂
The Internship I am doing is giving me alot. Sometimes i feel frustrated when i cant say or do what i want, but I must say that the organisation i am at now is one of the best. Even though i dont have the experience of other bigger organisations I got to know how they function. People who works with this things do it out of two reasons, (and I am talking about Kosovo now since I cant talk about other countries) We have thoose who belives that a change can be done, who have a spirit that is unbrakable, who has a passion, who wants to improve and defend human and civil rights and will do so for free, and then we have thoose who sees money, power, who most probably in the begining started as a “fire-spirit” but after a while started to care more about the money and less about the work. Who started to feel more powerful and therefore assumed that they know the best and have the knowledge others dont have. Its to bad. I myself can say that i am both, cause in order to help others i need money to take care of myself. haha. What I am trying to say suppose is that there is alot of organisations and NGO´s who pretends they give a shit but all they are doing is to employee themselves by asking for funds and “fighting” for different rights. I Suppose i came here being a bit naive. All i can tell is that this process is very interesting and gives me very much. It does challenge me in different ways and that is what i came for, to challenge my own mind.
I do have problems with the authorites i realised aswell. Even though, sometimes, and in some circumstances the authorites are needed.
On Friday I am going to Tirana. I am looking forward to go there and see the City but also to meet my Soulsister and other people. I am looking forward to spend the weekend with my love who has given me support, hope, courage at the times I start to doubt myself to much. Wonderful, amazing sweetheart. The doubting and the insecurity comes from time to time, this is what you get when you jump into new, unknown things. I am very happy i took this chance to be here, not only for the internship but also to experience Kosovo in a different way.
What I NEED TO DO THOUGH…is to really start with my master thesis. Lord, Jesus I have not done a thing. But…my positive spirit, time optimistic brain cant understand that time is actually passing. Well…i will start after another episode of Queer As Folk, which i really recomend! I also have to admit, that Sweden, my Home….is awesome! 😀